#Savagemum … does nothing

Stay safe 1 (1)

When I started this blog 3 years ago, I always promised it would be an honest blog. Its difficult to get the tone of these posts right at the moment so before I go on, I want to offer a little apology to anyone who has delicate ears and to those who are easily offended. Please don’t mistake my ‘humour’ (I use the term loosely!) about CoVid-19 as a lack of seriousness, concern or worry. Laughing through the difficult times is how this house gets through stuff and Christ! we all need something to laugh about right now – but if you don’t feel like laughing, then that’s OK too because, as has been written many times over the last year or so, it’s OK not to be OK. I’ve always said to my chief cheerleader / fellow hero / pit stop director / running partner in crime – it’s OK to have a pity party, just don’t stay there too long otherwise you’ll run out of wine.

At the end of last year I asked 2020 to be kind. It appears to have listened to me like my kids … it stared at me, walked away, slamming doors and sticking its middle finger in the air shouting “Hah! if you think that’s bad ….. ” So this is it folks! 2020! a biblical balls up from the very beginning. Gale force winds, floods, locusts in Africa and now this! An enemy that can’t even be seen. How do you fight against something you cannot see?!

Like every parent, I worry about my kids, but halfway through week 2 of the lock-down my worry about the kids has been replaced by a whole load of sympathy for the virus!. If I were a microscopic virus transcending a healthy, stubborn, active 5 year old’s body I would’ve been outta there by now that’s for sure. I’m comfortable (although not complacent) enough to know that any virus wouldn’t last 5 minutes in this house where she’s concerned. As for my 14 year old – shes been self isolating in her very own makeshift laboratory for over 2 years already – there are things being grown in her room, both seen and unseen, that will amaze any scientist or germologist (is there such a thing?) in years to come – I think she’s found her vocation in life #SoProud

This is actually week 3 of self-isolation for me, so I’m a week ahead of some of you in the UK but clearly miles behind you lovely readers in China and some parts of Europe (stay safe!!) It wasn’t through choice it has to be said … it just kinda happened! When we were given the option to work from home we all jumped at the chance – we just didn’t realise we’d be grounded for bad behaviour for the foreseeable! but it is what it is, hindsight is a wonderful thing <insert own phrase here> etc etc

During my 1st week of isolation, when the schools were still open and the world was as normal as it ever was, I managed to get out for a little plod. It was a comfortable 5k plod surprisingly with very little swearing involved but I began to realise the impact CoVid-19 was having on people at this early stage … the guy throwing himself over a fence into a paddock kinda gave the game away a little, nevertheless, it was lovely to just get out and ‘do’ without the pressure of training for a marathon.

Sadly, when the schools shut that saw the end of my plodding for the foreseeable along with my increase in coffee and alcohol consumption BUT I have learned a thing or 2 in these 3 weeks that I hope will save your sanity a little.

  1. Keep moving!! – Joe Wicks is helping the nation by doing a PE session for kids each morning. Try it. …. NO!! DON’T! Do. Not. Try. This! … you will die! or at least you’ll not be able to walk, go to the toilet without pulling the loo roll holder off the wall whilst trying to leverage your ass off of the toilet seat but worst still you will NOT be able to raise your wine glass to your lips. I don’t care how fit you think you are, this man is a machine; so take a leaf out of my book, stay safe and sit on your sofa with a strong cuppa coffee and a bacon butty.
  2. Treat yourself to a days worth of Marvel magic …. OR if you haven’t got the time or the patience just skip to the end and watch Endgame. There are some very profound statements in there which are super relevant to today’s current circumstances, for example …. “I’m hoping, if you play this back, it’s in celebration. I hope families are reunited, I hope we get it back and something like a normal version of the plant has been restored. If there ever was such a thing.” Wise words Mr Stark, but quite frankly I prefer “I am Groot” – says all we need to know in my opinion!
  3. Spend more time with your kids – help them with their school work. My 5 yr old’s maths has improved beyond measure simply by counting the increase in wine bottles over the last 21 days. We’ve got to the stage where we feel the song “10 green bottles” wasn’t ambitious enough and when working on our times tables we can still work out 3 x 12 just by using the current stash of wine bottles. Next week, we’re starting our 2 times tables utilising empty Gin bottles.
  4. Still on the topic of teaching kids – isolation can lead to greater knowledge in a subject your kids could excel at later in life. It’s the perfect opportunity to teach them a new language. Kids pick up these things really quickly! over the weekend, my 5 year old learned how to speak fluent profanity whilst I attempted to put a new bath panel in. She picked up 326 brand new words. Another proud mummy moment right there!
  5. We’re still lucky enough to be allowed outside for essentials such as shopping for food or medicine and of course, our daily allocation of exercise. Yesterday I took my kids out for the day … to Morrison’s for our weekly shop – with the queues to get in and the queues to pay, it felt like a day out at Lego land and cost just as much in bribery chocolate. It felt so great to be out the house though and oh how we squealed and yelp out loud in delight when we saw baked beans and Morrison’s own brand toilet roll. It’s been a long time since we’ve had so much fun – ah! good times. Hopefully they’ll lift our ban before our food runs out.
  6. If, unlike me, you’re still able to get out for daily exercise slot each day, can I recommend that you keep this up. It’s good for your head as well as your heart so keep going, even if you don’t feel like it, the benefit far outweighs sitting on the sofa. However, I have been informed that there have been increased reports of runners being reported as Missing In Action due to the fact that they’ve suddenly developed a desire to run a marathon every day … this is not big but it is bloody clever.

It is, at times like this, where social media and the internet come into it’s own for many adults like me, working mum’s and dad’s forced into prison like surroundings with their wayward kids but the downtime that’s now been forced onto many of us provides us with the opportunity to stop… To look around… To appreciate the little things in life, to be grateful for what we have and know that when this madness settles we may or may not go back to how we were, how we used to live. Take this opportunity to do something today that will benefit you tomorrow, hold your loved ones tight but above all – stay safe, stay healthy.

Until next time

SM xx

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